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 Health Articles archives
Wednesday, May 24, 2006 i can be as tired as anyman, anywhere in the world, and with what i havedone in my last few months fresh in the minds and imaginations of all myclose friends and families, i was a tired young man upon my arrival but ijust couldnt lie still - i just couldnt relax and didnt want to as all iwanted to do was get out there no matter what, no matter where, and justbe a part of it for the first time in my life and the last time in mywildest dreams - and i had th4ese songs actually singing in my head as ijived on and walked the streets of new york city - and think about howjust maybe i'd prefer to be homeless in new york city than be and livesuccessful anywhere else in the world - that is my love for nyc - thehistory of cool on every street corner, i drink at the bars of the beatsand the poets who set it all up for wanna-be drunks andpsuedo-heartbreaks like me - then as i sit at those bars, and think abouthow there is only on thing left in the world that isn't mass produced andi have it secretly hidden in my subconscious - i realise its all fun andgames to and all that... but nothing to boast about, and onlyreallyenough to fuel one 10min bar conversation welcome back home - but howhard is it to buy a beer? - how hard is it to sit alone in the bars ofthe beats alone and thoughtful as a traveller on the streets of new yorkand drink a beer at a bar? - not hard at all, and in fact just maybe theeasiest thing in the world and time - its up to me to start something andcreate my own history and myths about my own wasted times and beaten upgeneration - and so i too spend time in the neighbourhood dive bars anddo pretty well when i ask "so you dont get too many australaians in here,hey?" - sitting next to a moustached twitchy little nyc local man in aleather jacket who was continously turning his head from side to side aswe drubnk at the bar on west 29th and fuck knows where - and billy at thebar yells "hey! has anyone seen john lennon?? john lennon? has anyoneseen him?!!" and i smile and nod and have one more free shot of fuckknwos what as someone puts on lucy in the sky w/ diamonds and billy atthe bar actually does pretty well at turning me on to some music and ifeel cool drinking the real drinks of nyc with ther real people who walkand live by the streets, in the one and only true sence of the word.and i feel like i have been away and out here for a week let alone a fewoucy months - i miss nothing and noone but my girl Lauren - i dont wantto go back , i just want her here - and glory comes on tuesday when shetouches down in nyc and i can be myself again as noone has ever known melike that girl - and with her by my side a man like me can live a lifelike this - and if god still has the time for us down here i know for afact that he will bless her - and if not, there will be hell on earthsometimes my soul wants out, i just keep carrying it around with me, butsometimes my soul wants out - its a lucky tihng for me i have Lauren orelse it would've jumped ship a long time ago"a dream you dream alone may just be a dream - but a dream two peopledream together is a reality" - john lennoni will never forget nyc for as long as this earth lives - just after whatyou so kindly read, i hit the bars - and in fact i hit just one just offwest 20th and 7th ave - a small cool barthat kept away from the hype andhistory of nyc and just sold drinks to anyone who needed one - so i satdown feeling cool and alirght and orded a pint of the cheapest shit beerthey had on offer, wearing my lowell paperboy hat and loving myself andfeeling good - a 45 or something year old woamn was in the seat next tome and was either having a drink with her husband or getting hassled by adrunk - i assume it turned out to be tghe latteras she soon turned andbegan some costly conversation with me to make up for the, and to gowith, the cheap beers - before much was even said (other than herclaiming my pint was bigger than her pint...bore!) she took my hand andbegan reading my palm - making all puzzpled looks and laughing all thetime like she was looking through old photos of lost old dead forgottenrelatives - "so what do you see?" i ask smugly waiting for the bullshitand preparing myself to kiss her arse - "well... its interesting...." shebegun, and looked at my [palm some more - she started off spilling someshit about my loveline having slashes and cuts all the way through it - itold her that unless my homocidal psychotic tendancies are real and notjust something i force upon myself to feel like a real man and like mylife is real, that her observation isnt right - accepting this ratherwell, i felt that she was alright, and thankfulle so, as this 44yo womanwas about to blow my mind and ask a simple yet cool question that i willnever forget and will probably change my life forever - i'll let youdecide.but she asked me this at the bar in nyc - a stranger - "do you often tellyour friends, and those around you, that you're a genius? that you feellike you cojuld be a genius?"holy shit. thats all i ever do, i thought. that is pretty much how ispend mytime and life, and that of my friends. i do feel like a genius,but never really thought of myself as one. i understand and realise thereal world and grow and mature into frustration not just cos im a youngmiddle cloasss whitye male who has lived a perfect life and purposlytripped out for some simple experience, but because evcerything alwaysfinds its way through the madness and chaos and slots into place and isee it and im the only one at that place. only to feel ajar andaskewwhwen the beacon of genius shines on me from another - anyd who saysa genius is a member of the rare and feW?"yes, all the time" i was and still am amazed."i know, i can see it, you are a genius"and the night did its thing and we drunk at the bar, myself and my 45year old lady friend - and she begun unleashing her lifes problems ontome - something about an abusive stepfather and how he belittles hersucess and turns everyone against her - a woman so fucussed on businessand sucess she had an heartattack at the age of 35 - i dunno, anysolution i offered her, and it was solutions she was after, just seemedto open up more endless problems in her life and family - maybe i waswrong, maybe she wasnt after solutions afterall - so i ended upsuggesting to her to accept that is the way things are, were, and will beforever - accept that and you will feel so mucg greater and in control toa sense of the word, if that is wha you like - and im talking to yuouabout this my firnedi made the mistake again of letting her know that i studied philosophyfor three years at uni - she had done the same but it turned outdifferently as it inspired her and depressed and endagered me caousingfme to drink and touch real insanity and madness - but it worked out greatand what a night - a free pint from 2 cool mexicns - a german surgeonjust finshed a 36 hour shift and looking for beers joinmed myself and my45yo lady friend and beers at the bar, and god bless him - talking meinto moving and living and working innyc - its so easy and he told me howand someday i will show you too - and the talkative local nyc man, theex=con, who told me truth and beauty in a sentancebut i left it forgottenand drunk at tghe bar and i will always reaturn to try and find it againsomeday - and may gd bless him for his energy and his life and words andtatts - such a smart man i will only ever see again in a place likeheavenand thank god for such a night where we four completley different peoplecame together in some no name bar in new york and talked and drank andlived a perfect night, and lived the reason for life on earth.it's nights like those that explain why i have no committed suicide.in the end i was left alone at that bar, and some chubbyguy with hismanly friends put on a song on the jukebox, all down the other end of thebar - "i hope that i dont fall in love with you" by tom waits - so thereis me, alone, drunk, waiting for my girl and love and Lauren to arrive innyc with me, me in nycdrunk alone at a bar in nyc and this song brings meto beer tears - lest we forget.and i was so drunk. legless as i packed my bag alone in my room to moveonto the upper west sidewhere i would spend a night, get up to theairport and find Lauren - after packing my bag tight i had to sleep and idid sleep in a death kind of way - waking up fucked my nessacery, ihurled myslef, backpack and all onto subway after wrong subway, veryalmost vomitting in the middle of Times Square - how i didnt i have noidea - i actually kind of wish i did - what a story to be told!? - but iended up sleeping it off in the park, listening to some tunes andwatching some guiy abuse his dogi was nevous and hot as i sat in the bus through harlem and lexington/125("feeling sick and dirty, more dead than alive") for the 2nd time - itrained for my first time a little bit in nyc as i walked the rest of theway to la gaurdia airpot - and after 10mins or so of waiting, nervous andscared and apple juice - my girl Lauren- i see her before she sees methank god - and im cool with my girl in my arms againas she tears up alittle and we find her bags - and back through harlem lexington/125 andwelcome to nyc Lauren, may we always remember we were really there andthen but forever in love and of course Lauren, and the girl like her whoi can see but only confuses her, she just shrugs her shoulders at the nycstreets and living dead centre of the world and changes her mind when shefeels fit when i have already lost mind - times square Lauren, dont betired! - and we spend opur time seeing the coolness and the sights isaved for her - and we took cool photos of ourselves all over the plaveslooking cool and loving every second of it - james dean in west 68th -the dekoda, strawberry fields, statue of bigotry, ground nothing, thestreets, ESB,, the park, love and the rest is none of your businnessbut one thing not so romantic about my life and self reflected thoughtsand times and words is the feeling of how muh of a bad soul, arsewhole(sic) and prick i am - i couldve been anyone, i just wasnt used to livingwith someone else - walking and talking with someone else this way - sothat was hard and im sorry - but nyc, as i read somewhere, was the worldon an island. however, on this world everyone is alright and out for agood time. and me and my girl Lauren were alright and always out for agood tiome and that is exacly what we contributed to new york city -anyone who has been, or wanted to, will know what i mean when i say thati had the time of my life in NYC, with my girl Lauren, and alone at allthose bars, creating and destroying history all at once..........not to mention seeing the Brian Jonestown Massacre play like an oldbest friend for 3.5 hours! posted by Simon Wednesday, May 24, 2006 |
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