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 Health Articles archives
Tuesday, February 21, 2006  the following was spewed out and typed up and kept that way...as hard and as fast as possible.... i was sitting in my backyard and it was a pleasant evening, it being saturday and all. i was sitting under the patio with my father - sitting-up at the outdoor setting which absurdly seems a lot more comfortable than our dinner table inside. my mother came outside to us, walking down the stairs carrying a plate of food for me and herself. my father already had his and had already started eating. my mother handed me a beer as well, which i had noticed had become an almost regular offer from her come the weekend. it was cool with me, so i took it, and we all began eating our meals. it was an amazing meal, the type you dream of when you've been left left-overs 4 days in a row... for breakfast lunch and dinner. roast pork, smokey and tantalised with gravey, perfectly cooked vegetables and an unexpected cold beer to boot. it was a light beer which seemed nice. alcohol and food are like very competitative best friends. sure, they like each other, but one is always trying to domintate. i had been known to say that i have never been full after eating a roast dinner, and it was true for around 21 years. i am the youngest of three sons and no matter how old i grew, i still got the smaller serving. i was 22 years old once, and still recieved around a third less than my oldest brother's serving at dinner. it was funny more than anything. however, that saturday night there was plenty of food and i helped myself to more roast pork without even having to ask. there was plenty, and probably even enough for left overs tomorrow and/or the next day. i sat talking to my parents about my plans for the next few months, and i told them how lauren was going. she was in sydney, and she was there because she wanted to be more than anything. it was some kind of conference for her job being a pharmacist. it wasn't compulsurary, but she liked the idea of it anyway, which was cool with me. i went with her last year and it was such a great time. probably the best holiday i've been on. an amazing 5 room hotel room with a balcony over the old sydney streets. i spent my time walking around, digging sights and sounds and stopping for a beer everynow and again, only to return to the hotel to find lauren in bed, tired and exhausted from her day's conference, and resting in preparation for our night out. i remember i used to get up and leave the dinner table as soon as i had finished my meal. probably just being a moody shit of a teenager, but thats cool, i mean it happens . however i had noticed lately that ever since my brother nic had moved out, i had been comfortable to hang around a bit and talk a while. or at least listen. probably just a sign of age and maturity, whatever that means. after dinner i retired to the couch to eat some icecream and watch whatever came on the television. i would usually be eager to head out for the night and drink some beers and see some friends and go a little wild and have a good time, but lately i had just been over it. i think i realised what a lot of my friends had known for a while. i had forgotten how great it feels to be sober and clean in mind and soul. man, it's such a great high, after years of that "i can handle my booze" crap. you don't realise how much of a fog your living in till you take some time from drinking. it eats away at your soul and it really does no good at all. you think it does, you think it does torture you and open your mind to honesty and truth. but its a farse. i'd quit drinking if i could - and the only reason i say i can't is because of the lifestyle/s i myself have selected. it would probably dissapoint some of my friends as well - im not sure if this is a hinderance or a motivation. but i don't know, maybe i will some day. just to amaze. my mobile phone started ringing and vibrating in my pocket, which i was lying on top of on the couch. i adjusted myself and took a look to see who it was who was calling. it was my friend sandahl and i knew why he was calling. "'sup" i answered. sandahl found this funny and started laughing for around ten seconds. "hey man, how are you?" "yeah, im good, and yourself." "yeah alright. just wondering what you were doin' tonight?" "uuuuuuuuummmm, well yeah, nothing really. what about you?" "oh we're going to the transport bar i think. yeah, butler wants to go." "oh okay. yeah, ummm, i might be up for that. the only thing is i have to work like at 5am..." (i was really working at 6am, but for some reason found myself saying 5am) "...so i'll probably have to come home a little earlier. so i'll just get an earlier train or something." "well i'm driving in if you want a lift man." "yeah? well i wouldn't say no to that. but you stay as long as you want to man, and i'll just look after myself and leave when i have to, cool?" "yeah cool. so i'll see you around 8 o'clock?" "yeah, cool, thanks for that man. whether this was a good idea or not i didn't know. i had enjoyed my clear and clean and state of mind lately - not going out, not drinking, sleeping well and a lot and reading a lot more - but becvause of all this, and since it had been a while, i decided to go out with sandahl. he was a nice guy anyway. im sure people are aware of the fact that i always take a lot of care and time in deciding what clothes i wear. i mean, everybody does, but i think i just make it a little more obvious. but hey, i don't care. i can at least admit it. i just threw on my old worn jeans and cool enough shirt. the bar we were going to wasn't really my style - the type of people it attracts and the ridiculus crwods of them. but i didn't care. i can handle it. you see, my physical appearence proudly resembles that of john lennon, and thats cool with me - it gets me attention, which i love -it attracts cool music lovers to come talk to me, which i love - and it also attracts drunken pretty-boy fashion trend following oblivious sleeping wankers (and greedy businessmen in suits, but it's pretty much the same thing), this is cool because it gives me an excuse to tell these people to shut up, or call them an idiot, or my fav: given them my (probably pathetic) scarey-nick cave-esque death stare. and lennon is pretty cool sandahl rang my doorbell, and i ran to the front door as i always to for some unknown reason. probably something to do with my childhood, but so does everything. "hey man, how's it going?!" sandahl laughed and took a step back "good man" he was a real solid guy, body like a brick, but an eternal smile that would make you forget all about that. "alright" i opened the screen door and noticed sandahl had a dvd box set in his hand, which iwas happy to see as i had secrety hoped he'd remember to bring it. i had seen sandahl around a week earlier just in passing, and he had returned some super-cool movies i had leant him. he mentioned how he'd return the favour by lending me the box set of one of his favourite cartoon series. i liked the sound of this as i had a lot of time on my hands - for reasons not so important here, now. "oh man, i bought you this, you said you might like..." "yeah! kick arse man, thats cool. yeah" he handed me the box of dvds "yeah, it's like the first series, there's like some extras and stuff on it..." "does it have commentary? i love commentary!" i was flipping the box around in my hand, manically analising it. "haha, yeah it does, it's pretty funny!" i imagined myself returning from our night out and spending the rest of the night watching these dvds. it would be suicide as i really did have to get up at 5am, but i liked the idea of it anyway. i don't know too much about cars, but sandahls is a cool one. smooth, low, red and slick. im not sure he realises how cool he looks driving it, considering he's been trying to sell it for around five years. the car was a good one in the sense that it was the place where many wild and crazy and hilarious memories were born. drunk and high on the night that comes raiding inside that wound down windows as sandalh takes it up a notch from behind the wheel. the rest of us yelling out crazy and insane calls of madness from the back seat to all those people just like us walking the city streets for a good time on any given night on earth - and everybody just laughing at the absurdity of it all. sandahl and i played it cool as we drove on - whatcha been doin? - yeah, oh that sounds cool - good onya man - yeah i saw that e-mail, what's going on there? - seen anyone else lately? - gotta keep the 4th of march free. getting all that out of the way before we picked up our friend matt butler. matt lives in the neighbouring suburb from mine - leafy and green, and equally littered with memories of youth and drunkeness. we pulled up to matt's house and i saw his father was doing some gardening in the front yard. as sandahl and i stepped out of the car i noticed my fly was undone. i quickly tried to zip it up before mr. butler saw me walking towards him adjusting my pants. i think i got away with it, but you can never be sure with mr. butler. matt told me that his father was in vietnam, and so whenever i was in his presence i always felt like i was some bumming hippie and he was some hard-arsed drill sargeatnt, or something like that. shit. i always felt like i was doing something wrong, or had let him down or something. it was quite strange, but helpful when i felt the need to analyise my friend matt and his character. matt came out to meet us in the front yard - "hello" he smiled as he does, tall slender and handsome - it was at this time i noticed mr. butler staring at me. i was sure i had zipped up my fly. "you know simon, you look more and more like john lennon everytime i see you." we all laughed, and i think i heard matt mumble "he hates it when people say that." (which of course isn't true) "yeah, i get that everyday." i hadn't seen matt in a while, since i hadn't really been getting out. i soon realised that the last time i saw him was at the big day out, where iggy and the stooges were playing. "so did you enjoy the stooges simon?" matt asked me in a very simple manner, as he does. he was sitting in the back seat behind me, which was probably silly as he was a rather tall, and i was merely average in height. but thats how it came to be, and so we drove on. we drove on. the sun was setting, and i was happy to hear matt point it out. "nice sun-set" he said. all too often mind-blowing sun-sets go unnoticed, and that upsets me, so it was good to hear that come from the backseat. we started talking about movies. we had all recently seen "walk the line", though i saw it with lauren, and these guys saw it together. i made a joke suggesting that the two had seen "brokeback mountain" instead, being it a film about two gay cowboys, i think. we arrirved at our friend's pete's house. pete was a real cool guy - quiet and often unsure of himself - much like me, but without the pretension and fullblown act of coolness- i had a lot of respect for him and looked forward to getting him into the car - the three of us stood in the street as a low flying helicopter buzzed the air above us. as sandahl took us down the freeway, i spent a lot of the time dealing with text messages coming from my mobile phone - it always makes me feel like an arsehole, but you just can't help it these days - sad really. i was messaging lauren in sydney, who at that very moment was having dinner with my (our) good friend damo - we were just making jokes about affairs and how it isn't cheating if you wear a condom and stuff like that - it was good to hear lauren catching up with damo - both very cool people who probably know me, not nessacary more than other people, but definately know me in a different way, and one more comfortable with me. sandahl pulled into some underground car park. his tyres were screetching over the polished smooth industrial floors, even though he was probably driving at around 15kph. as we stumbled out of the car and found our feet we all noticed another party of youngsters much like us getting out of their car - one of them was young girl dressed in a black playboy bunny outfit, which looked more like a bather-suit with fishnet stockings - she was kinda good looking way in that...half naked girl kinda way - i was too scared to look at her too much - the poor gal - even if i was to look at her a little too much, it would be the last of her problems - no matter where she was going that night, she was going to cop a hard night. you never forget nights when you do things like that. no-one really cared so we just walked around for a bit - i went to the atm and felt guilty and took out some cash to buy a few beers and a ticket home if need be - matt told us about some place he wanted to go - his sister had been there - he kept asking me/us if we wanted to go there - i couldn't give a shit so i just followed, and there is nothing wrong with that when you don't give a shit - we arrived at this place - matt and pete and sandahl had stopped waiting for me to catch up - i walked into the place and headed to the bar - matt had stopped behind me asking the dude at the front if their was a cover charge - i found this strange as i had already walked straight inside and passing the bouncers with any real thought - anyway he came inside and we bought an over-priced beer - mine was warm, but i can't be bothered with stuff like that - especailly being over priced - when you buy something really expensive and their is something wrong with it, you just want to ignore it and pretend you got your money's worth and that everything is perfect and better than you expected. there were chick everywhere, which i thought would've pleased my three single friends - it turns out all these chicks were belonging to some girl's sister in law's hensparty - im sure this wouldn't have bothered my fruiends, but i have always found hens-nights rather embarassing - and wanted to clear away of the sea of fluro-feather-boas. we took a seat in a booth and sat by a window looking out to the alleyway outside - we drank our beers and i thought about work tomorrow morning - i should be ok, i can handle it - a homeless man who may or may not have been carrying a bottle walked passed our windwo and we all had a look - they have always fasinated me, and been the subjects of many a jokes all the time - matt had begun telling me about how his mother is able to produce a small book of writing - cover and all - he said she could do it for me after she gets his done - it sounded like a good thing, but also a little strange to me - i told him i'd check out what he gets done - but i knew what butler liked about the idea of this project - it was the idea of having your writing in a bound cover, with the freedom to make the cover, and the freedome to hold it in your hands and see it looking cool - matt was a romantic in all aspects of life - i mean that coolness is one thing, but getting your writing and words and ideas out to other people out there who aredoing their own thing, now that is something else - i mean, yeah, get it done, but what are you gonna do with it? what are you gonna do with a glossy cover? anyway, that bar kinda sucked, so we headed off down the same road the homeless man walked - down the street we saw some religous passionates handing out pamphlets - one of them was dressed as jesus in such a damn cool way, but completely over the top - massive beard and hair and robe. i didn't take a pamphlet and regreted it later on. we walked into another bar, one that i had been to quite a few times before - the drinks were cheap and the people were cool enough - i was just happy to sit at a table and drink a beer - the others were not - they had girls on their minds, and that didn't bother me - go forth - it was a pretty empty place though, especially for a saturday night - matt kept asking everyone if they wanted to go down stairs, and see what it was like down there - i was like "shit, i dunno, do you?" - it was clear he did, but it was as though he was asking for some kind of approval, and that gave me the shits, to put it simply. so we continued sitting and drinking a few beers - we joked about having sex with migets, as we shared the story of our friend cam who is living in japan at the moment - you see, he picked up this japanese girl, and from what he told me, had to ask her for id, just to make sure - man, that was a funny thing to hear - i think in pictures, you see - matt made a point in saying that having sex with a 15 year old was disgusting - i suggested that some 15yos can often look and act like 19yos, and if they are comfortable and thoughtful girls, they should do what they want, with who they want - i tried not to use the word "maturity" - i know i don't need some government law telling me when and with whom i'm going to have sex with - jsut cos they aren't getting any doesn't mean the rest of us can't - sandahl and pete didn't say anything, which led me to believe they sided with me - the truth is, i didn't really give a shit -i never really bothered with anyone who was younger than me anyway. i came back from the toilet and stopped off at the bar for another beer - it was my round so i bought a few - at the bar i saw this 20 something girl looking at me - now, when this happens i usually allow myself to think that she's checking me out and has the hots for me - but the chances are she's just like the rest and thinking along the lines of john lennon -i felt like going up to her and saying "man, you should see the mega-jesus down the road!" but i didn't. returning to the table matt and sandahl were talking - i suggested they were talking about me, as a joke and a quick way to include myself into what they were talking about - "no" matt said defensively. shrugging my shoulders i turned to pete and checked out what he was up to - he asked me if i liked girls in pig-tails - "yeah, yeah i do. but only on some girls, you know. it doesn't work on some girls though." he agreed with me and we continued to drink our beers. pete was playing it cool, in a way not everyone can understand. isn't it funny how men admire all these beautiful women (and that they do, women don't realise how much men admire them) - isn't it funny how men admire all these beautiful women, but then desire and fantacise doing such filthy and disgusting things to them - love and attraction will never be truely known matt eventually handed a folded up piece of paper, and did it all rather secretly. "this is what we were talking about. it's the plan for the cover of my book." "oh, okay" i opened it up. it was a simple computer print-out, the words "breaking point" spelled vertically down the left hand side, "by matt butler" along the bottom, and a rather small and pixalated image of an eye in the middle of it all. "what do you think?" i didn't really look like much and i couldn't really see it on the front of a book of any kind - it's hard to speak the truth to matt though, has he gets very defensive and gets very hard to talk and reason with. "the eye is a little small, isn't it?" "do you like the "L" shape, or do you think i should move the title up the top like sandahl reckons?" "umm, oh i dunno. i just think the image is a little small and pixelated." "it's the story of this guy reaches his breaking point and beats his wife." "you should have the eye all made up then, like a wife's eye with make-up all over it, and with blood all over it as well, or like just a bit of blood or something." i surprised myself and thought this was a kick-arse idea. i think sandahl liked it as well, which made me feel good. i don't call myself an "artist" or anything like that, but i do like to think i'm creative and am able to create worthy and interesting works of word, film and painting. but every now and again you start to think that maybe its just all in your head, and you're not really that good when it comes to these things, and you doubt yourself down into a depressing mess. so i was glad to see sandahl liked my idea. "you can't find a picture like that!" matt said "what you mean?" "on the internet." "take it yourself." that was the difference between me and matt. im not sure if it is because we're so alike or so different. it's easy for me to lay the blame all on him, but i'm sure it doesn't work like that. im to blame as well. a lot of the time i find he is trying to compete with me, which is absurd since i'm not even playing his game. i just want him to relax and become his own person and do his own things without the thoughts of anyone else, esspecially me. i've told him this a couple of times, drunk and homebound. asking again whether or not we should check out down stairs, i suggested to matt that he go down and see if it was cool, and come back up to tell us. he did so, as pete, sandahl and i finished our beers. the next thing i knew i could see matt having an argument with the bouncers at the enterance to where we were sitting. sandahl noticed me looking at something and turned around to see what it was. "hey, i think...."i started. i saw this as a chance for me to play it cool, a super-cool-super-hero!!! and a chance to involve myself in at least a little bit of drama - they were trying to charge matt for entry, even though they probably knew he had come in for free earlier and just left to see downstairs. i went up to matt and asked him "are they trying to charge you?" "yeah, the bastards...." matt had this ability to completely crack it with complete strangers, and do it well. "fuck em' man" i said as i patted him on the back (me being the super-cool-super-hero!) i turned around and called pete and sandahl to come and leave this shit-hole, as we did, fast and without thought. downstairs we got another beer at the bar there, and matt shared his story of the arsehole bouncer upstairs. it was funny. i think we all love it when those little social situations come up, the ones that allow you to go wild and crack the shits, and spit verbal and make a scene. i know i do. but only when nessacery. before we knew it our friend mushy had turned up - we were expecting him and it was good to see him arrive - he was wearing his cowboy shirt, and it was one that i really liked. i have one of my own, and one night when we both wore them we swapped shirts a couple of times throughout the night - that was cool - mushy was a mega-cool guy, one of the best - i've said that a few times, but im sure it makes him uncomfortable - when i arrived at highschool in year seven, mushy was the first cool guy i noticed, and i will always be glad to have him as a firend -he was rather short, but had that kinda of face that just makes you want to laugh - not in a mean way at all - he was from the brighter side of life. he had a reputation for his infamous discussions and analysations of sexual encoutners. there was a period of time when mushy was single, and it was during this time he reminded how just funny sex really is (through analytical discussions, of course) it's endless. the downstairs bar was also kinda shitty, so we were all kinda happy to move on - mushy and matt like walking the streets as well - it was cool with me, as i didn't really want to drink much more anyway, as i still had to get up at 5am for work. we headed outside and we were now a group of young boozed up men - the type of group young girls would prepare themselves for, as they walk on and pass on the street. we were following pete and making funny observations as we walked around - ahead of us was an old italian lady, carrying some plastic shopping bags - mushy joked that she was kinda hot, and i suggested lifting up her skirt, as a joke - it was at this time she stopped and turned around - i thought she heard me for a second, but she was really just waiting for a cab or bus or something - man, that was kinda funny - poor lady - but funny still. pete was walking us towards the business district and this was starting to confuse and annoy me - "where we going? lets just go somewhere!" - comign to think of it now, the business district would'nt have been a bad idea - plenty of strip clubs down that way - and someyhing tells me its not going to be long before a large group of my friends go to a few strip clubs for a laugh - shit, i know i'll be laughing - i reckon it'll be the funniest thing, seeing my friends, all polite and nice guys, like matt, pete, mushy, sandahl getting served drinks from topless girls with their tits out - i often laugh at the thought of it - but however, we headed into some backpackers bar that i knew of - kinda shit but cheap drinks and i was eager to check out a backpackers bar for reasons not important now and here - i sat down with sandahl and pete and we talked about the future - matt and mushy were sitting on a couch talking - i told sandahl a secret, and he was glad to hear it, as i was glad to tell it. i was at the bar for a little while as well - i remember seeing these guys who were just sitting their drinking pints - that was cool - but what i noticed was that i could just tell these guys were just so stereotypically british - the head, the face, the clothes, the amount of fucking beer they drank - man, oh man - i have plans to travel this year, and look forward to spending accomodation in youth-hostels and the the cheapest shit-holes around the world - i knew i was learning to love the world again and accept what it brings in all aspects of daytoday living - but i looked forward to the challenges, and i get ther feelings guys like these ones would be a challenge for me - i don't want to be like the rest of them - and im not what a lot of people suspect. before i knew it we were off again - there was a strip club more or two doors down that our friend jarvis had been to with some of his workmates - he used to tell me how so very sleazy it was - i remember times when i used to walk past it and hear men cheering and shouting from down the stairs - that made me laugh we headed to the transport bar - our original destination - i think matt liked it cos it was most always packed, and there would be some gals around - i didn;t really care - it was at this time i probalby should've headed home, but i was enjoying myself with these friends of mine - and i was feeling alright - i probably shouldn't have had that 3 hour afternoon nap, as i was wide awake, and the fear of waking up wasted the next morning didn't really scare me - i found my way to the bar, turning every now and again to see where the rest of the guys were - they were around so i bought a beer - there were people of all types everywhere, but for some strange reason we were all about to find a really cool seat outside - it was a nice night - and thats one thing i actually lked about teh transport bar, it had a great kick-arse view of the city at night - of melbourne at ngiht - a city i loved like a mother - but then again the loving something like a mother isn't so great - i mean, it's not as though you get a choice. i was playing it cool, and mushy and pete were talking and checking out chicks - mushy turned to me and asked about whethere i was an ass/tits man - he knew the answer to this, and he was probalby just trying to include me into his and petes conversation - which was cool with me - we all came to the conclusion that only simple-men choose tits, and there is so much more to the arse - you can waste or time or invest it - each to their own - matt kept coming up to mushy and i asking if were were happy - i think he was a little drunk at this time and started to confuse me - i wasn't too sure what he was really asking, and the truth is i culdn't really be bothered - we were all sitting around outside in the saturday night drinking beers, so everyone was cool neough later on i was quite proud of myself when i suggested something - it was somethat that a guy would want during sex.... it was for the girl to say something in another language - and no, not french, fuck that - we want russian or slovak - and preferably mumbled, not screamed- this was funny, and as soon as i mentioned it (right around the same time i thought it) i knew mushy would agree with me and/or understand - the thing is he comes up with shit like this all the time - it's not easy to keep up, and as i mentioned, i like to think of myself as a creative mind. with that, it was time to get outa there - the night was getting late and we were done - i was abvle to give my nick-cave-esque death state to one drunk wank in a suit (not that i judge, it was just what he was wearing) he had some girls around him and felt the urge to yell out "john lennon! oi....imagine..." i just glanced at him as naturually as i could, nodded a little and shrugged my shoulders - which ithink is fair enough - i mean what am i supposed to?? - "yes....true...thank you.....i dunno!?" - or am i supposed to go "oh my god!!? you know your righty?!! wow.... shit thanks man....ladies, isn't this guy the coolest?!!? shit, let me buy you a drink." anyway, we were outa there - we headed back to the underground carpark where sandahl had parked his car- what i loved was the was way we all went rowdy in the elevator down - kicking an empty bottle of soft drink and keeping it in the air and screaming and shououting as we desended - so random and unexpected and so fucking funny - thats what i live for - not just with these good friends of mine - but in everything i percieve as i do my thing - without it i'd be long gone, and quite happily so. posted by Simon Tuesday, February 21, 2006 |
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